|
The Basic
Training In Federal Prison - Page 4
Little by little,
we saw the layers of emotional concrete cracked and peeled
back to reveal an inner core of tenderness and longing to
love and to be loved. They discovered that this desire reached
way back into their childhood and that their longing for parental
love and approval persists, however deeply hidden or resisted.
"My mother
never kissed me and I can only remember her hugging me once,"
said little Dorit, a former WAC who had let out a contract
on her husband after he repeatedly threatened to kill her.
The contract was fulfilled and Dorit and her hired gun were
jailed.
Dorit was loaded
with mistrust. She deliberately kept herself apart from the
other inmates whom she regarded as potential "snitches,"
back stabbers, liars. She had imbedded her feelings in concrete.
But one morning
she took the mic and said, "I cried last night for the
first time in years, and I feel clean inside. That's something
the sharks (guards) could never do to me. I found something
in myself I haven't seen for 10 or 12 years. A feeling of
caring, and I never want to lose it again. I care. I do care!"
Later, she told me, "I didn't ever want to be a killer,
but it was him or me!'
Later in the
training, Dorit and a marvelously comic young woman named
Linda, who had previously disliked and mistrusted each other,
became warm friends, hugging each other and laughing at their
former enmity.
We had been
surprised at Ft. Grant to see the men crying so freely to
release their suppressed feelings. We found the women at Pleasanton
were just as resistant to tears as the men had been. Said
Carole, a tall blonde, "This is the first time I've cried
in a long, long time, and it feels good. I just couldn't let
go. I was forced as a child not to show my emotions and not
to cry, but now I don't have to punish myself any more...
I hope everyone here has had as beautiful an experience as
mine has been!"
Gradually, the
women came out from behind their protective screens to experience
their feelings and a new sense of freedom.
Page
5
|
